So. A parenting post. Just a quickie one though, and I would love your thoughts.
Lately I've been working my hardest to keep to the Positive Parenting path, and yes, failing as much as I succeed. But in the quiet calm moments, I can see the immense value in parenting this way. I can see her glow grow, under the gentle guidance and unconditional love of her parents. And I see it diminish just as quickly when she is rebuked. When sharp, not gentle words are used.
I'm constantly amazed at how quickly the mood can change with this quick shift in awareness. If I give myself a beat to think about how I want to speak to her, to reframe a sentence that would have invariably caused a reactive response, I can easily divert a tantrum. Amazing! She might appear to be a feisty little tiger sometimes, but there's a glowing, sunshine baby under all that glower and growl, I promise.
I hit obstacles when we are out in the public. When others speak to her with a different tone. I watch the walls close up, frustration and tears set in. I would love to find a gentle way to let others know, there is a better way to speak to children. Sarcastic, gruff and angry words work in the same way as pressing your finger into a sea anemone. Not that I'm any kind of expert, or a prime example of Positive Parenting. I'm still just learning too. And I'm also very guilty of falling into the trap of parenting how I think people are expecting me to parent, when there are others watching. I want to change that too.
What are your thoughts? Do you practice Positive Parenting? Do you have any great pieces of advice for practicing it (and encouraging others to also) outside the home?
p.s. photos taken yesterday at my dad's farm, while we watched a gigantic tree being felled.
Joining in with Miriam at Create Hope Inspire.
I don't practise 'positive parenting' as such, I mean I don't know exactly what that means, I've never read about it. But I do know FOR SURE, that her reaction/attitude/response is influenced in the MOST part by the way we speak and act towards her as parents (and wider family). Remembering she is so little. Remembering it is all new to her everyday. Remembering she is her own person. Remembering she has her own opinions, likes and dislikes, and that they are as valid as mine. Remembering that I want more than anything as a mother, to build her up, to love her and make her love herself. To teach her, but to be her safe place too. To take time to breath, and understand where she's coming from, and help us get through this together.
ReplyDeletex
*applause* You said it far more eloquently than I! I think I need to print out that comment and put it on my fridge!!
DeleteAlso want to steal this comment! Worded my heart song so well!
Deletethis is great. and beautiful pictures to accompany. my guy is 13 months old and i spend a lot of time thinking about who we would all be if we were always shown love and positive guidance. i don't have any great advice but i'm happy to keep reading your experiences.
ReplyDeleteI am VERY passionate about positive parenting. Were we sitting her over ice water in the sun I would go on and ON about how life-changing I feel it is. I am crushed when I hear negative statements combined with angry tones. I'm even mildly irritated by negative-phrased but well-meaning statements; "Don't you fall off of that!" and "You won't hit your sister with this, will you?" I mean, WHAT?! I am far from perfect too, and I've noticed that my fast reaction responses are often the ones I fail to phrase correctly -- the urgent ones, "STOP! You're walking on some beautiful plums!" Just today. If I wasn't so freakin' in love with the plums I would have said, "Can you walk up around along this way? That way we can keep all of these plums nice and plump and perfect!" Hasty is hardest. It makes SUCH a difference.
ReplyDeleteAck, parenting 'publicly' can be hard. I think (and I'm sure you know) it's one thing to explain to friends and family the way you've chosen to parent your babies (and set an example of how to be gentle with the small people), and quite another to follow through when strangers' eyes are watching and judging. Unfortunately the public are part of the big bad world and I feel like the best we can do is be a safe place for our kids, and perhaps a bit of a shield while they're still very little. I had a really lovely experience just recently when a woman in front of me in the supermarket checkout turned around and told me what a wonderful job I was doing (referring to the way I was dealing with my two very whiney and demanding children). People like that restore my faith in humans and my confidence in my ability to parent well. Remember we all fail sometimes, but I hope that my children's main memories and 'feeling' of childhood are of happy and safe times. You're doing a great job! xx
ReplyDeleteOhhhhh - you have made me stop and really think hard here... I started off like this, but with two children; it is not something I really aim for now. I react before I think more often than not *cringe*.
ReplyDeleteI need to slow down and rethink some of my parenting, thank you for this reminder before my babies get to big!